misanthropy [ mis-an-thruh-pee, miz- ]
noun
1. hatred, dislike, or distrust of humankind.
January 30th 14 · 1 note Here’s that dumb thing I wrote. It’s really short. It has no title. It kinda sucks.

"I wish I could stay here forever, like this," she murmured, half asleep. She felt his lips on her shoulder, felt him pull her body tighter to his.
“I know,” he replied.
She knew that his “I know” was a “me too” even if he didn’t say it. She smiled, her eyes opening and looking around the room. There was nowhere she’d rather be than right there, in his arms.
“What are we doing today?” She asked.
Another kiss on her shoulder.
“I thought you wanted to stay here forever,” he said, smiling.
She rolled her eyes. “Probably we’d die if we actually tried to do that,” she replied. “Besides, I can’t cuddle with you for too long. You’ll get sick of me.”
This time he rolled his eyes. “Yeh, so sick.” He kissed her shoulder. “In fact,” he kissed her neck. “I think I’m already getting there,” his mouth moved up her neck and deposited another kiss. “Really, you’re just gross.”
When she turned to look at him his lips found hers. She smiled into the kiss and pulled him tight to her. His warm skin felt perfect against hers, and for once she didn’t mind the heat under the blanket.
“I love you,” she said quietly when their lips parted. “I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you more,” he responded, a large grin on his face.
“Never,” she said.
“Always.”

May 2nd 13 · 1 note

I’ll never admit how scared I am of you.
I’ll never let you see the terror in my eyes,
hear the tremble in my voice,
Or feel the pounding of my heart.
Never let you witness the goose bumps on my arm,
Or notice the catch in my throat.
You’ll never know how terrified I am,
Because I promise you,
I’ll never let you think
You’re a monster.

May 21st 12 · 2 notes I wish I could put chords to the songs I write…

Sigh.

May 5th 12 · 0 notes Chorus to a song I’m writing. The rest of the lyrics aren’t working very well, but I’m loving the chorus.

The spark, the rush,
so addicting, so amazing,
I can’t think whenever I’m near you.
Your touch, your smell,
so intoxicating, so overwhelming,
I never want to leave you.
Your skin on mine,
lying in your arms,
that’s where I want to be,
where I’m meant to be.

May 1st 12 · 0 notes Fairytale Ending (Written by me. Just a little song I wrote.)

I keep hoping for a fairytale ending,
keep hoping you’ll change your mind,
keep praying things’ll turn out differently.
But this isn’t my fairytale ending,
things are never gonna turn around.
You’re never gonna see what you’re passing up.
You’re not my fairytale ending
and you’re never gonna be my prince.
There’s no happy ever after,
there’s just no fairytale ending.

Every night I lay my head down
and I close my eyes,
hoping to dream of you.
In my dreams, everything’s right.
You and I, we’re picture perfect
and I hate waking up
because

I keep hoping for a fairytale ending,
keep hoping you’ll change your mind,
keep praying things’ll turn out differently.
But this isn’t my fairytale ending,
things are never gonna turn around.
You’re never gonna see what you’re passing up.
You’re not my fairytale ending,
and you’re never gonna be my prince.
There’s no happy ever after,
there’s just no fairytale ending.

I won’t lie, it kills me
because I know
just how perfect we could be.
Every night, I fall apart.
I wish you could see
what’s right under your nose.

The princess and the frog,
turned something messy
into something right.
Alladin got his girl,
from rags to riches.
Ariel gave up her fins
just to live a life, to find her love.
If they can do it, why can’t we?

I keep hoping for a fairytale ending,
keep hoping you’ll change your mind,
keep praying things’ll turn out differently.
But this isn’t my fairytale ending,
things are never gonna turn around.
You’re never gonna see what you’re passing up,
You’re not my fairytale ending,
and you’re never gonna be my prince.
There’s no happy ever after,
there’s just no fairytale ending.
There’s no happy ever after,
there’s just, there’s just no…
You’re not my fairytale ending,
and you’re never gonna be my prince.
There’s no happy ever after,
And there’s just no fairytale ending.
There’s just nooo… just no fairytale ending.

April 28th 12 · 1 note Suddenly (just a song I wrote)

Suddenly, your memories flood my mind,
suddenly, I feel like I will never breathe again
because suddenly you’re all I can think about
and suddenly, suddenly, I hate myself.
Suddenly, I miss you again. 

So many regrets I never thought I’d have
so many mistakes I never thought I’d make
if I’d know that lie would build
if I’d know what I would do
I’d have told it anyway, just
so I could meet you.

I’m sorry I hurt you,
sorry I told that lie,
sorry I let you believe in something
in someone that wasn’t real.
Sorry I couldn’t be what I claimed.

Suddenly, your memories flood my mind,
suddenly, I feel like I will never breathe again
because suddenly you’re all I can think about
and suddenly, suddenly, I hate myself.
Suddenly, I miss you again. 

It feels like I was punched
like someone knocked the air
right out of me,
and I know that I’d deserve
whatever came my way.

Suddenly, your memories flood my mind,
suddenly, I feel like I will never breathe again
because suddenly you’re all I can think about
and suddenly, suddenly, I hate myself.
Suddenly, I miss you again.
I miss you again. 

March 12th 12 · 1 note Breathing

I used to take it for granted.
I’d do it without even thinking.
And now with each breath,
I wonder why it hurts so much.
I have to force myself to continue,
Remind myself it’s not the end.
But I will never forget
Breathing is a price we pay
To live another day.


I wrote that a long time ago. Seems relevant now.

March 10th 12 · 5 notes Resistance is Futile: A song I wrote... Doesn't really have a title...

insanity-plea:

Do you even miss me?
Do you even care that I am gone?
Do you ever dream about me?
Do you wonder where it all went wrong?

I can’t stop wondering
about you every night
and I can’t stop hoping
That you will make this right
and I know- that this could be the end
But I pray- to a god that…

(Source: tinytova)

February 28th 12 · 0 notes I called this “boyfriend’s song” but now we’re not together… so… I don’t really have a title…

He lives in a world of self-loathing, 
where good feelings go to die.
He lives in a place of desperation, 
where all he can do is lie.

He knows what he’s doing is wrong. 
He tries to tell himself it’ll be okay,
maybe one day it will be, 
but today is not that day.

When all he wants is an exit, 
when all he can do is hope, 
when all he needs is out of reach, 
how is he meant to cope?

He’s that tree in the empty woods, 
that falls without making a sound.
He’s screaming but no-one can hear him,
he’s dying but no one’s around.

She stands there in front of him.
He watches her walking away 
from the boy that needs her most.
He wishes he knew what to say.

Every part of him is yelling,
"Someone show me the light,
show me the way out. 
Someone end this fight.”

He’s that tree in the empty woods,
that falls without making a sound.
He’s screaming but no-one can hear him,
he’s dying but no one’s around.

He’s that tree in the empty woods,
that falls without making a sound.
He’s screaming but no-one can hear him,
he’s dying but no one’s around.

February 18th 12 · 2 notes

There’s too much noise. Too much noise. She just wants it to stop. Wants it to all go away. She covers her ears, but it doesn’t help. The noise isn’t external. It’s all in her head. Her thoughts, her fears, her worries, all running around like they have somewhere to go. She sighs and closes her eyes, rubbing her temple with her ring and middle fingers. “Please stop,” she whispers, a desperate need in her voice. “Just leave me alone.”

A tear slips down her cheek. She purses her lips and looks out the window, trying to hold it in, trying to stop her feelings from gushing out. She wipes at the tear, shaking her head. Her fingers flex, clenching and unclenching, and that’s what she focuses on. The simple motions. Skin covering muscles connected to tendons connected to bone. Working like a unit.

Another deep breath. And then another. She tells herself to breathe. Inhale. Count to three. Exhale. Count to three. Lather, rinse, repeat. Breath from your chest, not your stomach. Her hand moves instinctively to her stomach, making sure it moves as little as possible. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

It’s not helping. Her fist clenches again but this time it doesn’t unclench. She stares at her hand as her muscles begin to shake, her entire arm quaking. Before she knows it, her fist’s in the wall, and throbbing. “Fuck.” She pulls it back, slowly, her arm trembling even more now. She relaxes her hand, flexing her fingers. It hurts. A lot. She stares at the hole she just made and then back at her hand. Some skin broke, and blood seeps out.

She watches it, and everything rushes in at once. The moment she’s distracted by the pain, the thoughts come back. The initial pain she’d felt when it was all over, when he was finally out of her life. The calm after the storm. The time she’d spent waiting, expecting the pain to return. The moment she’d realized it wasn’t coming, that she was over him. And meeting… him. The laughing. The teasing. The happiness she’d felt. The daydreams. The extacy. Then the feelings… The caring. The wanting. The needing. What hit her hardest was what came after that. The paranoia. The fear. The pain. But he’d calmed her. She’d been happy again. Couldn’t get him off her mind. Before long… the rejection he’d promised wouldn’t come. The abandonment she didn’t think she could take. The pain that felt all too great. The hopeless she never thought would end.

She heard a noise. The saddest, most painfilled noise she’d ever heard. And then she realize it was coming from her. Her tears had soaked the sheet beneath her. Her eyes were red and puffy. But the sound. The sound of utter hopelessness, of pure pain, pure hurt… She couldn’t stop it, either. Couldn’t stop crying. Her body heaved and shook. Her hand throbbed. She lay there, a quivering shell of her former self, and wept until she fell asleep.

February 12th 12 · 0 notes Lovestruck

I can’t help but wish
can’t help but pray,
can’t help but want you
lying here right next to me.

Oh, I’m lovestruck,
can’t believe you’re real
dumbstruck,
can’t believe you’re here.

But these feelings,
they’re real. This
racing in my heart
won’t stop.

How did it get like this?
Promised myself I wouldn’t
let you in. wouldn’t let
this happen, not again.

Oh, but, I’m lovestruck,
can’t believe you’re real.
Dumbstruck,
can’t believe you’re here.

All at once, I’m
racing back, back to
a place I didn’t want 
to ever go, back.

Erratic heartbeats, 
racing thoughts,
shortened breaths and
sweaty palms.

Oh, I’m lovestruck,
can’t believe you’re real
dumbstruck,
can’t believe you’re here.

January 16th 12 · 5 notes A song I wrote… Doesn’t really have a title…

Do you even miss me?
Do you even care that I am gone?
Do you ever dream about me?
Do you wonder where it all went wrong?

I can’t stop wondering
about you every night
and I can’t stop hoping
That you will make this right
and I know- that this could be the end
But I pray- to a god that don’t exist

Does he even miss me?
Does he even care that I am gone?
Does he ever dream about me?
Does he wonder where it all went wrong?

And in my head I hear your voice
and I cannot sit still
your image fills my head
as I lay awake at night.

Do you even miss me?
Do you even care that I am gone?
Do you ever dream about me?
Do you wonder where it all went wrong?

I can’t- accept this is the end
my love- still lingers in the air
and all I want is for you to know
how I really feel…

That I miss you
and I care that you are gone
and I dream about you
and I wonder where it all went wrong.

Do you even miss me?
Do you even care that I am gone?
Do you ever dream about me?
Do you wonder where it all went wrong?

December 7th 11 · 9 notes Heroes Are Made When You Make A Choice

I decided to post a story I wrote a while ago. It’s not the best thing ever, but I like it. So.. yeh.

Heroes Are Made When You Make A Choice

There is a girl. You don’t usually notice her.
There is a boy. You always make fun of him.

But aren’t they both worth the time? Aren’t they both worth the effort to get to know, before you judge? One day, you awake, you get dressed, put on your makeup, make sure everything is just so, and you head to school. You get onto the bus and loudly complain that there are no empty seats, just as you pass her. She’s sitting alone and no one’s next to her. There’s an empty seat right there. She doesn’t bother looking up, she used to, but there’s no point anymore. If you were to look carefully, or look at all and see her, not through her, you’d see a girl that just wants to be loved. A girl that’s pretty in her own way, but you don’t look. You never do, and maybe you never will. Like always, she’s doing something in a sketchpad. Today, she’s drawing. No one bothers looking at what it might be, few even realize she’s there.

You get to school and get off with your boyfriend, laughing with him and making him work hard for his social position of beingyour boyfriend. What an honor, what a great position for him to be in. You nudge him as a boy walks by and without even looking at you, he knows what you want. He sticks out his legs and trips the boy, laughing as he falls and once again breaks his glasses. You laugh with your boyfriend, and everyone around you two follow, knowing better than to stand up to you.

"Get up loser," your boyfriend says, kicking the boy that’s on the ground. One person, only one, rushes to his side. It’s that girl from the bus, the one you never notice. She doesn’t say anything, just helps him up and looks apologetically at him.

"Aww, look," you tease "The two dorks, both down on the ground where they belong," and you walk away, your boyfriend trailing after you, sucking up. You don’t even know her name, but you know his. Jeremy Binns. Everyone knows him, he’s the principle’s child. You never once let him think that being Mrs. Binns’s son would let him get things easily, and he seemed smart enough to keep things to himself.

You go into class, making all the boys wish you were theirs, and sit down. The bell rings as Jeremy rushes in late to class. “Get lost?” you ask him, pretending to really care. He keeps his head down and hurries to his seat as the teacher glares at him. “Mrs. Ingall,” you say sweetly, keeping a smile from appearing on your lips “Didn’t you say that the next person to be late would get detention?”

Mrs. Ingall looks at you. She never said that, but she can’t remember. “Oh,” she says slowly “Oh yes, yes I did, thank you,” she turns to Jeremy “Detention Jeremy,” she says as she walks passed his desk. He nods slowly, not bothering to refute her verdict, and keeps his head down. She begins teaching as the smile creeps onto your face. No one has the balls to stand up to you, and everyone goes along with you.

The day goes on, you as the queen bee, making two students’ lives hell, one by ignoring, the other by abuse, both physical and verbal. You go home, feeling satisfied, but you don’t know that tomorrow your life will change drastically, and it just might end.
——————
A story inspired by the song ‘Hero’ by Superchick