There was a time where I’d have done anything for you.
I used to leave my phone on all night just in case you needed help.
I spent half an hour at 2am talking you down from an acute panic attack from a different state over the phone.
I’ve stayed up to help you countless times.
I’ve talked you down from suicide more than once.
I stayed up until 4am trying to talk to down from killing yourself the night before a test in my most important class, and only went to sleep when you stopped answering. I had a panic attack when I walked into that class the next day because I hadn’t heard from you yet. And you’d ended up in the hospital, which you finally told me a few days later.
I’ve done so fucking much for you.
And you’ve mistreated me. You’ve been a good friend occasionally. But you, just like virtually everyone else in my life, take advantage.
And when I came to you tonight on the verge of a panic attack and you only answered after my friend had calmed me down, the only thing you said was the only thing that could have made me have another panic attack, followed by, “what do you want me to say?”
And then you proceeded to ask that I continue talking to you because you we’re having a bad night and, for some unknown reason, I did.
And then you disappeared like you always do, and expected me to still be up and willing to talk when you bothered to show up again.
I can’t do it anymore. I cannot live my life letting you take complete advantage of the fact that I care too much.
You wake me up at 2am nearly every night because I’m your “late night texting buddy” and I practically have to yell at you to make you stop blowing up my phone, even if you knew I was sleeping.
You refuse to hold a conversation without vanishing.
You refuse to ever see me.
And no matter how many times I tell you that this isn’t a friendship I want to have, nothing changes. And I stay because I’m afraid and because you need me.
This isn’t fair.
And I’m done.
Maybe one day I’ll send you this so you can maybe finally understand how badly you’ve treated me.
You tell me my boyfriend should treat me better, you tell me I deserve more from people, you tell me all sorts of BS. At least those people try. At least I can actually tell they care about me beyond simply needing me.
You’re full of pretty words and carefully thought out sentences. You always have been.
I can’t take it anymore.
You’ve done more harm to me than almost anyone in my life. And the other people have at least changed. You’re the only person (unrelated to me) still majorly toxic left.
And you won’t be for long.
I’ve calmed down but I’m still too hyped to sleep :/
On the verge of a panic attack. They should have called me Thursday like they said I would. And if I don’t have this job I have no idea what I’m gonna do. I can’t tell my dad my drug test came up positive, if that’s what happened, which means I can’t tell him why I don’t have the job. They should have called by now. Even if it was positive, they should have called. I need this job. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
I feel like shit. As per usual.
do vampires just use their teeth to make a puncture wound and then suck, or are their fangs like a straw
i havent slept in three days
I’d give anything to feel good about myself. Physically or emotionally.